Loneliness

I have friends my age unmarried or married and suffering from loneliness. Oh, we have coworkers, friends and family that we connect to. It's not the same. Need for a connection to a someone is there but no way to fill it. I fill my life with the girls. I watch them maturing in amazement. I see them discovering the dynamics of life at a new level. They aren't my little Barbie/Bratz playing girls any longer. They have curves and know it. I hear snippets of conversations about "hot" guys and I smile. They are beginning to really listen to the lyrics of songs and not just the beat. They notice more than I give them credit. They know I am lonely. So, I am getting encouraged by my own daughters to join "clubs"....LOL. "Club" of choice for them right now is the D.A.R. I mentioned years ago my interest and they have remembered that. I am putting together the paper work. We will see what happens. I have clear lines in three different directions. Hannah wants to join too. She'll be 18 next month and is interested.

Spill the beans....

That's what I need to do...spill the beans. Do people still say that? No idea really. The story is going to be short because it hurts and I'm not good at spreading bad news. The last 18 months with Alan have been hard. I will not blame it completely on him because most of our issues stem from his ex-wife. Five years living under fear of her has left me drained. He will never stand up to her and my children and I are in danger as long as she is a part of our lives. She's tried to kill me, threatened me and my daughters, her current husband tried to ram me and Hannah in a parking lot, poisoned one of our dogs and taken me...yeah me...to court with restraining orders. Alan would never let me report any of her threats. He told me he would leave me if I did. He always wants things to go away but they do not. He is afraid of her. I am afraid of her. God has watched over me and the girls. None of us has been harmed except emotionally. My ex-husband has been great to back me up with all of this. I could have lost my own girls if he had wanted to get them out of the situation. He trusted me to keep them safe.

Alan is a good man but I had a choice to make between him and my girls. I have lost all respect for him. That is the hardest part of all of this. He will never stand up to her. He has told me he can't do it. He's afraid of her and wants to keep her happy so there's no fighting. If I fight the battles then he will leave me. There is no winner in this situation.

Wordless Wednesday

My Baby is 15!

Today is Katherine Brooke's 15th birthday. Here are the current top ten for Kate in facts:

1. She was the gift we came home with from a two week vacation to Hawaii.

2. I was sick every single day I was pregnant with her.

3. She was the best baby ever!

4. She loved to be naked...for years.

5. She is the best friend a person could ever have because she is loyal and honest to a fault.

6. She makes A's and isn't trying.

7. She is a beautiful singer.

8. She loves the paranormal.

9. She bakes delicious cakes.

10. Suddenly, she thinks Marines are HOT! "Just look at him Mom! He is gorgeous and all man in that uniform." Yeah, I'm thinking.."He's all of 5'6'' and he could be my son he's so young."

My meds are working and the depression is getting better. My doctor may have found the "magic mix" to work for me. Yay!

Our foster dog has been renamed from MiMi to Molly and she had two puppies 4 weeks ago. We think they could be Dubh's but we aren't sure. We didn't know she was in heat until the spotting started and then we took precautions but nature must have taken it's course before hand. I was sick with worry that she was pregnant by the St. Bernard she had shared a home with before us but the puppies are all Cairn. They are little scrappers and constantly growling and chewing. They are spoiled because the first two weeks of life for them was a battle to survive and I literally put my life on hold for them. I have fed them every four hours for weeks because Molly's milk dried up while they were in the vet's care. So, I have one of each sex and they have stolen my heart. The boy has been spoken for by one of the vet's assistants ( since week one). I'm keeping them both until they finish teething and I'm working on house training but they are so small it's difficult. They are little miracles and I have loved and hated this job but I am ready to give them to loving homes. I am no longer newborn mother material. Trips to the emergency vet's office (too many nights) and making bottles is exhausting. I can wait on grandchildren for a while.

One of the triplets has been sick too. Becca has had migraines for a month now. We took her to a neurologist today and she's started 3 different medications and is scheduled for an MRI. The doctor was excellent so we have high hopes that he will help her. She's a strong girl and tried her best not to miss too much school. That's all my news. I'm heading over to read yours.

Wordless Wednesday

Lullabies

My Kate listens to one lullaby every night to go to sleep. She may listen to it once or have it play all night long. The only time I do not hear that lullaby is when she falls asleep early. Years ago, I bought a CD of lullabies called "On A Starry Night" and I love the CD. Kate has listened to the very first song by Bobby McFerrin ever since. It's called "Common Threads" and there are no real lyrics other than him singing "na na na na" over and over again. It's a calming song. I highly recommend this CD. I've replaced it twice in 12 years and that's not too bad considering how much my now 14 year old loves it. That said, I now question why I am not using this CD to relax and get some sleep myself. I am not sleeping...again. I tried pills last week and I slept and "threw up" in the middle of the night. I'm feeling crappy all over again and in one week I've had an EKG and monitored my glucose. Today, I am finally getting my hormones tested. I have asked about this for ages and I am finally getting it! So, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm looking forward to going to the doctor! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

My parents have been here the last few days. I hadn't seen Mom since last July. I've spent most of the time hemming pants for her. I hemmed 10 pair yesterday and needless to say I'm done with hemming for a while. My mother is vertically challenged and even if it's a petite it will need altering. She's been saving these dress slacks, jeans, cords and khakis since the last time she visited. I don't mind the hemming too much. Mom made me clothing while growing up and she was good at it. My mother spent many nights sewing up whatever I asked for or needed. I had my own body issues then. Still have them but in different proportions. I have a long torso and freakishly long arms and of course big busted. My mother tailored all of my clothing and I loved it. Everything she made for me was beautiful and classic. I could wear some of the pieces right now if I hadn't gained so much weight. I think some of my favorite pieces were made with Folkwear patterns. I love their patterns. Just thinking about them makes me want to make something. Matter of fact, I'm going to leave you now and find one. I'll let you know what I find!

St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone!